Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Fireballs & Explosions of the Past

For some odd reason this story comes to mind despite the fact that it happened awhile back. Thought my loyal fans might enjoy a good laugh. Although my disclaimer upfront is that I DID NOT INTEND TO LIGHT MY MOTHER ON FIRE! So don't think I'm some kind of psycho.

Back when I had a piece-of-junk truck, I was always having issues with it. Issues that turned more and more serious until finally the engine blew up. So, as poor as I was at the time, I had to scrounge another engine out of a junkyard to rebuild and put in my truck. Now I had a shop class in high school, and have fairly good common sense when when it comes to mechanical things so I figured why not do it all myself? (I also have a dangerous amount of confidence in my own abilities to fix things...which has resulted in numerous electricutions and explosions!) But I digress... Back to the story. So one of the first steps to replacing an engine is disconnecting everything...including the exhaust system. Now any mechanic knows what a royal pain it is to disconnect these things after 130,000 miles of rusting and heat-welding all the bolts together. So as expected, I am having a very difficult time getting the pipes (back part of engine compartment, underside of truck) disconnected from the engine. There's 2 things you can try to get stuck bolts to come loose...lubricant and heat (make it slippery or use metal expansion). You should only try one OR the other. Not both people...not both. (Lubricant is flammable!) So I've been spraying WD-40 on thes bolts for days trying to get them loose and am under the truck with a ratchet and 13 feet of cheater pipe trying to get enough leverage to bust these bolts loose. No luck. After 2 broken ratchets, 5 bloody knuckles, and 13,000 curse words I finally resort to fire. (Hey, I'm a guy. what'd ya expect?) Despite the fact that these bolts have been soaked in oil for days, and the fact that I am uncomfortabely close to the gas lines (right next to my face actually), I decide heat from a torch is gonna be the only way. You can see where this is going right? But no, I'm much smarter than that...at least after the first 3 fires. I quickly realize these dangers and despite lighting the bolts on fire numerous times, I have a wet rag handy to quickly put them out. (I'm not a complete idiot!) But I can't seem to get the small propane-bottle torch angled around to the top of the bolt by myself while still being able to crank on these things. So I enlist the help of my ever faithful Mom! "Hey mom, I need a favor. Really easy, when I hand you this flamming bottle of propane, I want you to tip it upside down and stick it way down into the engine compartment right here!" She probably knew better, but unfortunately trusts my mechanical abilities and common sense much more than she should. So I light the torch, hand it to her, and she gets it tipped down into the engine and pointing the flame onto the bolt. I quickly hop underneath with ratchet and 13-foot cheater pipe and start cranking on this bolt. And after a minute or so, it's starting to work! "Yes, it's working! Just hold it a little bit longer mom!" Well, unrealized at that time in my life, i later learned that propane tanks become cold and overpressurized when releasing alot of propane quickly when turned upside down. Thank goodness those designers put in a handy-dandy little pressure release valve on it for just such issues. Well after about 2 minutes of working with this torch, I'm starting to get these bolts to turn. I'm so excited! Then completely unannounced, the saftey valve blows and said propane torch turns into an evil ball of flames! Well my mom is not the type to panic, but she's also not the type to be okay with holding onto a flaming ball of propane...especially when it's now singeing off her eyebrows and hair! She freaks and yanks the bottle out of the engine (at least she didn't drop flaming tank onto my head below) and starts screaming. I come flying out from underneath and grab the flaming ball from her. I shut the nozzle off, but the flames are coming from the release valve. I now have a mini oil-well fire on my hands. Now I've always been fascinated by how they put out oil-well fires with explosives. And what it's taught me is that the only way to put something like that out is to BLOW it out! So I start blowing on this thing! Well, this isn't exactly like blowing out birthday candles people. I'm huffing and puffing and blowing my brains out trying to extinguish this jet flame...and it's just getting bigger and the stinkin tank is really starting to get hot. My mom is busy screaming "Put it out! Put it out!" "Thank you so much for the wise advise mom..." I accept that my lungs are not going to put this death-trap out so my next thought is to waive it around hard enough to get it to blow out from windsheer. So there I am in the middle of our street wildly and recklessly flinging around this flaming bottle of propane as hard as I can like a psychotic idiot doing the frantic pee-pee dance with my mom screaming unrecognizable things at me... Ahhhh, it's times like these that makes life great isn't it? Really makes ya appreciate the little things...like fire extinguishers. Well my plan finally works and I get the tank blown out and it even stops spewing propane once it cools off. But for some odd reason, even to this day, my mom refuses to help me with my truck anymore. I don't get it?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Why McCain lost....people's thoughts

The following is a collection of comments from a forum on fox news that asked people to comment on why they think McCain lost… Very interesting to see the insight as well as passion/fear that people have today.
(taken from: http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/11/04/youdecide_11042/)

Comment by John

My first reaction is that McCainl lost because he didn’t really appeal to the conservative base enough but that is wrong. I am a staunch conservative and I voted for McCain because I truly fear that Obama is moving us in a direction that represents a serious threat to our nation. The move towards bigger government and socialism will result in a less competitive society. We are staring poverty and dependency in the face. John McCain lost because he ran a relatively lousy campaign against a guy who actually appealed to a whole lot of stupid people who actually believe big government can provide all their needs. Race was also an issue inasmuch as many blacks who would otherwise disagree with Obama on policy voted for him simply because he is black.
As H.L. Menchen once observed, “We will get what we asked for, and get it hard!”

Comment by Bemused

I think Obama won because America has lost it’s moral grounding. It’s ok to murder a baby as it is being born, it’s ok to turn your back on Yeshua Adonai, it’s ok to talk the talk - but have no idea how to walk the walk. American, despite the rewriting of history books - was a country founded by folks who wanted to practice Puritan ethics. Even the Washington monument has Christianity built into it’s structure. Do you know what the cap plate on the structure says? Might want to look it up. This country was founded on the basis of keeping the state from messing with religion as it did in England. It has turned into keeping religion out of government - big mistake.

There is a reason there is no reference to the west in biblical prophecy. Russia, China, Iraq, Iran, Saudia Arabia, Afghanistan can all be readily found - the US? (And don’t say it’s because of the age of the bible and the US didn’t exist then - the Bible talks about “the bear from the North” - and you know what country is directly North of Israel? Russia - and Moscow … I doubt if the bear was the symbol for russian in biblical times.

I am terribly afraid that God will no longer “shed his grace” on this country. I pray I am wrong.

McCain lost because he is an honorable man. Obama won because he is smoke and mirrors - a blank slate where people can see what they want. Susbstance lost. Form won.

It will be interesting to see where we go from here … If our enemies wanted Obama to win - that might have been a clue.

Comment by Mary

It is a sad day when we elect a man because of the color of his skin. This was a race won on a man’s race, not on issues. McCain lost I believe, first because nothing happens without God allowing it to happen, and second because of McCain’s age. He did not have the charisma that was needed to draw the young crowd. I wonder if McCain had been black how this election would have panned out. Or if Obama had been white, how would this have panned out? It is a scary thought that Obama’s weak understanding on national defense and the willingness to talk to terrorist how we will fair “if” we get attacked ever again. The young generation does not remember tragic events that many of us have experienced. How have we even forgotten September 11, 2001? The economy will recover with smart planning, but we may never recover if we get attacked again and again. Do you honestly believe Barack Obama will lead us through a victory? The reason we have not been attacked again was because of George Bush’s strong national policies. I, too, am a born again Christian and I do believe God is in control. God will return to get his people. Is this the beginning of Christ’s return? I don’t know, but I do know that we should be ready at all times. Anyone who is left behind, God have mercy on them. Oh, who will the Democrats blame now when things don’t work out? Can’t blame George Bush - People WAKE UP!

Comment by Tony Tiger

The liberals were right. There is no GOD. This election proves that point.

Comment by Whitney

To Tony the Tiger the reason God didn’t help us is b/c we turned our backs on Him!!!!!!!!!!`

Comment by Donna Hammond

First, Mcain never had a chance due to the fact of the unbelievable media bias.
Secondly, all the voter registration irregularities and fraud that were flagged in fifteen states against two organizations Acorn and Get Out the Vote just seemed to be swept under the rug, so if in fact voter fraud accrued in this election it will never be investigated or exposed.

Next, It all comes down to the almighty dollar and that money can buy anything, even historical dreams.

Finally, It is a sad day because change has come to the United States of America, everyday as I followed this election I realized that even though we are suppose to be a country that is governed by “We the People” and ensures justice by applying the Rule of Law to all, which is then suppose to be kept in checked by the media, who is suppose to be fair and balanced. These procedures were ignored and simply not applied in this election, Why? because it was held hostage by an coordinated agenda set for “The Chosen One” by powerful: the MEDIA, POLITICIANS,and WALL STREET. Justice was blind in this election and I can only pray and ask God to bless, protect, and give America and Mcain strength for the next four years!!! MAKE NO MISTAKE HISTORY WAS MADE, the greatest and biggest con job was pulled off - “THE 2008 PRESIDENTAL ELECTION”.

Comment by Mike

Supreme court justices:
Stevens - 88 years old
Scalia - 72
Kennedy - 72
Souter - 69
Ginsburg - 75
Beyer - 70
How many retiring justices do you think Obama and the dems will get to replace during this term (Roberts, Thomas and Alito are too young)?

Comment by Carol Henson

Because God has either given up on America (understandable when we look at abortion, pornography, homosexuality, and the total moral decline of our nation), or to speed up His plan for the last days. I believe we will now see Isreal bomb Iran (before Obama takes office) or Iran bomb Isreal (after he takes office). Just as Biden predicted, we will see the worst act of terrorism against our nation in its history - because the terrorists believe we have a President who will take no stand against the Muslim extremist. American Christians are going to come under great persecution before this is over. My great sorrow is not for myself, but for my children and grandchildren. God, have mercy on us!

Comment by Barb

McCain lost because there are a lot of ignorant people in this country who voted on emotion (and race) rather than on facts. And with Obama owning the media the way he did, how could you expect them to get the facts? I fear for this country - America has been dumbing down for awhile and this election proved it. I wonder what Obama’s first order will be - hmmm - he’ll probably ask to have the constitution redrafted in multiple languages to “make it fair” for everyone, starting with Spanish and “Ebonics”.

Comment by Kevin Tipton

Palin has no experience? Hmmmm, a Governor of a State overseeing 29,000 employees, the National Guard, and responsible for 20% of our domestic oil. She fought those in her own party and won on charges of corruption. A Governor with an 80% aproval record. I guess Bill Clinton was unqualified also. Huh??
Barry: A former community organizer, part-time Illinois Senator and part-time U.S. Senator voting “present” most of the time. Experience????
Do you see the difference? Probably not, since you’re part of the “Don’t confuse me with the facts, my mind’s made up” crowd.

Comment by Greg Mankins

God is in control. He condemns Abortion and Homosexuality.
This nation was founded on God and the christian religion.
I voted for McCain because the republican party is closest to the teachings of God.
Both Obama and Biden are pro-choice and supports gay rights.
God is patient but His wrath will come on this country if we do not change.

Comment by Don

Let’s face it, McCain was the media’s choice to be Republican candidate and he received very favorable media coverage until after the primaries were over.
This entire election has been a sham pulled off by the far-left elite of this country.
This is a sad day in American history.

Comment by Paul

I’ve looked at many of the statements listed here. How can we thing Obama is a socialist or communist? How many of us would spend time with a domestic terrorist that got off on a technicality? And don’t give me the eight year old bit, Obama was in his thirties. What about the former spokesperson of the PLO? That should make Israel feel real secure. Look at some of his statements, “Share the wealth”, “Form a civilian military” That’s similiar to Karl Marxx and Hitler. In January we hand over the keys to our weapons, defense and military secrets to a man that has shown his distaste for our military and for our standards. His party has demonstrated and openly said they will cut defense spending by 25%. They will take away our right to bear arms. They want to impose a “fairness” doctrine which really means they want to eliminate anyone that doesn’t agree with them. I was a Democrat for many years but I know longer see the Party of Jack Kennedy. Today he would be a moderate Republican. Maybe the Dems should watch FOX, CNN, NBC, CBS and all the others and see what is really going on in the world.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Attacked by a Cougar

So last Friday night I went to a swing dancing class and learned some very important lessons about getting too close to the wildlife....especially cougars! The class was small, ~8 people plus instructors. Some couples, mostly singles, but even numbers for guys & girls. What actually made it even was what walked in last minute though....the infamous Cougar. Now I'm from Wyoming and I've done my share of hunting, but never for cougars...especially this breed (trophy game my ass!). Early 50's, over-tanned, leathery skin, disturbingly low cut top, and waaaaaaaaaay too friendly to all the young men! Well as everyone paired up, out of the corner of my eye I saw the cougar had me in her sights and was starting to stalk me... A rush of fight or flight adrenaline came over me and I quickly chose flight....right into the arms of the fat girl! Okay, that's mean...she was a bit overweight, but turned out to be an absolute sweetheart and a good swing dancer too! "Good choice Johnny...that was a close call!" Well as the evening went on and they rotated partners as usual....I suddenly found myself staring into the deadly eyes of this dangerous cougar! When I got to her, she put on a wide, scary-looking grin (permanently....no joking, her over-enthusiastic grin never changed the whole time I danced with her...frozen on her face!), she looked me up and down like a fresh piece of meat, and lapped her chops. "Oh shit!" I thought to myself. I started to panic, turned to run, and then BAMMMMM! She pounced on me and started swinging ferociously! (In hindsight I shoulda known better....you never turn and run from a cougar....it triggers the instinctive chase response in them.) As the instructor counted through the steps I desperately tried to lead from as far of a distance as possible. But this little cougar wasn't having any of that....she sucked me in close and started twirling harder! Half cougar, half crocodile, she threw me into an aggressive death roll! I fought hard against her, trying to at least regain my footing even if I couldn't regain the lead....no go! Her unsettling "joker"-like grin was permeated with sexual angst and frustration. Obviously on the prowl, she entangled our bodies together in what could only be described as the prelude to a quick, violent kill. "This cougar hasn't fed in a very long time!", I whimpered silently... As I struggled to escape, a feeling of dizziness came over me (likely from the 13 twirls in a row she just flipped me through) and I started to drift off into a state of semi-consciousness. I imagined for a brief moment what might happen if I were not able to escape this cougar attack. Left like roadkill on the side of the highway days later, I'd wake up in the emergency room with doctors trying to stitch me up. They'd ask what in the world happened to me and I'd shamefully have to confess "I was mauled by a cougar!" The mere thought of all those stitches and the years of counseling suddenly snapped me back to present reality just in time as the saint of an instructor announced "Okay, switch!" BAM! I shot out of the mighty beast's jaws and flew off to the other side of the room! (Leaving the next poor sucker to be mauled and molested.) It was a close call....one that some might consider a life or death experience, especially those who have ever been attacked by a cougar...